While I was writing Quietly Confident, I researched many of the ‘self’ concepts. Self-awareness, self-esteem, self-confidence, self-belief, self-compassion, self-care, self-acceptance, self-worth, and self-respect.
The difference between these phrases is subtle and nuanced but each is important in its own way. I’ve written about some of these concepts in earlier articles and in the coming months, I’ll delve into others more deeply. This month, my focus is on the importance of self-respect.
We feel self-respect when we acknowledge that every individual is worthy of love and respectful treatment, regardless of our circumstances. We experience it when we value ourselves unconditionally, even with our inevitable mistakes and imperfections. We begin to embody self-respect when we take care of ourselves well, when we set healthy boundaries, and when we ask others to treat us in a considerate way.
Here are six practical ways to cultivate greater self-respect and foster a healthier and more compassionate relationship with yourself.
1. Make a commitment to value yourself
When we respect others, we feel that they’re worthy of our care and attention and we recognise their innate value. Accordingly, we treat them in a thoughtful and respectful way.
As Kent Hoffman, US psychotherapist says in his TEDx talk, ‘all beings have infinite worth.’ This applies to every one of us, regardless of our personal attributes, skills, what we’ve achieved or how we have chosen to live our lives.
Make a commitment, today, to start valuing yourself in the same way you value other people. When you notice yourself being self-critical, move your thoughts and behaviours in a more supportive direction.
2. Learn to stand up for yourself
Assertiveness is an important aspect to self-respect. When we respect ourselves, we don’t allow others to belittle us or treat us poorly. Instead, we stand up for our needs, thoughts and feelings, in a calm and respectful manner. This isn’t always easy; particularly if you fear conflict or feel that your opinions aren’t worth voicing, but it’s a skill you can develop with practise.
The most effective kind of assertiveness involves using the right language. Rather than choosing statements that begin with, ‘You always… ‘ or ‘You never…, ‘ which sound accusatory, try instead, ‘When you…I feel… ‘ or ‘I‘m hoping… ‘. These statements help you express your perspective without placing blame.
If you’re new to assertiveness, practising with a friend or visualising a conversation beforehand can help. Remember, assertiveness can also be kind and gentle – it doesn’t need to be aggressive in any way. Cultivating it can take time, so be patient with yourself and acknowledge the courage it takes to stand up for yourself.
3. Do something to take care of yourself, every day
Carving out time each day to honour your own needs and desires can be transformative. This doesn’t have to involve grand gestures – even small daily acts that prioritise your well-being help create a foundation of self-respect. They signal that your time, happiness, and fulfilment are as valuable as the time and care you give to others.
Consider the simple moments that make a difference. Enjoy a few minutes of quiet reflection, savour a cup of tea in silence, make time for a walk or a swim, or set aside half an hour to read a chapter of a book you love.
Over time, these small actions add up, creating a lifestyle where you prioritise self-care, reminding you that you truly respect your wellbeing.
4. Practise gratitude every morning
Gratitude is a powerful tool for changing the narrative of self-doubt and criticism. Start your day by appreciating something about yourself, even if it’s a small thing. Consider the personal characteristics you’re grateful for – perhaps your resilience, sense of humour or your curiosity. This practice helps shift your focus from your flaws to your strengths and adds a touch of positivity to the beginning of your day.
Try not to default to the same gratitude focus each morning. This will help you to become aware of your many attributes, even those you may not always notice.
Over time, this broad focus makes self-appreciation and gratitude a natural part of your day, helping you build a more positive relationship with yourself.
5. Nurture your ‘inner ally’
Most of us have a loud inner critic that judges and nitpicks every little thing. This critic, often fuelled by perfectionism or fear, can be a constant source of self-doubt. Cultivate an ‘inner ally’ to balance this critical voice. This is the part of you that cheers you on, encourages self-kindness, and reminds you that it’s okay to make mistakes.
As you begin to connect with this part of yourself, think about how you would comfort a friend. Chances are, you’d be compassionate and supportive, offering constructive reassurance. Try to embody this same energy for yourself.
Your inner ally can also impose a gentle boundary against the inner critic, stepping in to say, ‘That’s enough,’ when self-criticism becomes too harsh. Nurturing this supportive voice helps you build resilience and the habit of self-acceptance.
6. Stop comparing yourself to others
Comparing ourselves to others is a common but draining habit that none of us benefit from. When we do this, we highlight what we lack rather than celebrating what makes us unique.
Rather than comparing yourself to others’ achievements or how they appear, nurture your own qualities and gifts and connect with your personal values, passions, and strengths. Give yourself permission to define success in your own way, finding fulfilment as you work towards your own vision.
Cultivating self-respect is a journey that requires patience, intention, and compassion. It’s not about achieving perfection or being the best at everything; it’s about recognising your worth, exactly as you are, and treating yourself with kindness.
