How to start doing less and trusting it’s enough
I’ve had so many lovely responses to my recent article about overfunctioning, with many people asking the question: what can we do about this? In today’s article, we’re going to explore how to break the cycle of overfunctioning.
If you’re someone who constantly pushes, fixes, helps, or perfects, even when you’re exhausted, you might recognise yourself in what I’ve called the overfunctioning pattern. It’s something I began researching after my own habit of constantly driving myself resulted in an autoimmune condition.
If you’re like me, you’re almost always ‘on’ – always busy, solving problems, helping someone. From the outside, you appear dependable, reliable, and mostly in control. But on the inside, it can feel like a never-ending treadmill of responsibility and pressure, potentially even leading to exhaustion.
The habit of overfunctioning usually begins when we hold the core belief that we are not enough as we are. In order to feel safe, loved, or worthy, we strive more, do more, achieve more, and care more, often at the expense of our own wellbeing. While these behaviours may once have served us well, we can reach a point when the pattern creates stress, anxiety, and eventually even burnout, leaving us disconnected from ourselves and others.
The good news is that you can begin to break the cycle. My own experience is that it’s not exactly easy (old habits definitely do die hard), but with regular practice and a genuine commitment, change is possible.
The first step is to catch your natural tendency to say, ‘I can do that.’ Before those words are out of your mouth, pause and ask yourself:
- What will I give up by taking on this extra task? Time, rest, energy, or something leisurely?
- Does the extra task align with my true values? And if so, is there any chance I’m over-expressing that value? (For example, generosity is wonderful, but overusing it can impact your wellbeing.)
- Am I offering my help to feel worthy or wanted, or because I truly want to and have the capacity to assist?
Remind yourself that doing less or not saying ‘yes’ doesn’t mean you’re lazy, ungenerous, or failing. It means you’re learning to trust yourself and honour your worth without needing to constantly prove it.
Why overfunctioning feels compelling and safe
Overfunctioning is often linked to the nervous system’s ‘fight’ response: when we feel threatened, our instinct is to act – to push, perform, help, and solve. In childhood, this may have helped us navigate criticism, pressure, or high expectations. In adulthood, it can show up as overwork, perfectionism, or an inability to rest.
The tricky part is that overfunctioning can sometimes feel necessary and compelling. You might think:
- ‘If I stop, things will fall apart.’
- ‘If I don’t do this perfectly, I’ll fail or disappoint people.’
- ‘I have to be useful to be loveable.’
These beliefs make it feel risky to step back. But the truth is, the world won’t collapse when you slow down, and your value doesn’t depend on how much you do.
Practical ways to break the habit of overfunctioning
Notice the pattern in real time
Start by identifying when overfunctioning arises. Are you volunteering for extra tasks at work? Saying yes to favours you don’t really want to do? Taking on responsibilities that aren’t yours to manage? Simply observing these moments creates awareness, which is the first step toward change.
Experiment with small pauses
You don’t need to overhaul your life overnight. Pick one small area where you can step back. Don’t add extra polish to an already complete report. Delegate a minor responsibility. Say no to a social invitation or skip a day of exercise. Notice how it feels, and how others respond. Often, nothing significant changes. In fact, no one may even notice.
Set compassionate boundaries
Overfunctioning often involves pleasing or rescuing others at your own expense. Begin with small boundaries: say no to one thing this week that drains you, or postpone an extra task. Frame it kindly: ‘I’d love to help, but I need to focus on this today.’ Boundaries are not selfish – they’re a form of self-respect.
Reframe your definition of worth
Remind yourself that you don’t earn your value through productivity. Create a short affirmation: ‘I am enough as I am, even when I say no or rest.’ Repeat this when you feel the urge to overfunction.
Schedule micro-breaks
Research shows that one of the simplest ways to calm the nervous system is through short, regular pauses. Try pausing mid-morning, at lunch, mid-afternoon, and after work for two minutes of deep breathing.
Schedule longer downtime
Block out thirty minutes a day for rest or enjoyment. Reading, walking, or simply breathing deeply are powerful acts of self-care for someone used to constant doing. Gradually increase this time as you build confidence that pausing is safe.
Shifting your mindset, not just your behaviour
Breaking the habit of overfunctioning isn’t just a set of practical exercises, it’s an invitation to shift your inner narrative. Overfunctioning is often fuelled by fear: fear of not being enough, of disappointing others, or of falling short in some way. By experimenting with pausing, boundaries, and self-kindness, you begin to change how you relate to yourself and the world around you.
You might notice thoughts like:
- ‘I should be doing more.’
- ‘If I stop, I might never get going again.’
Instead of trying to silence them, acknowledge them and return to the truth: ‘It might feel uncomfortable for now but I can do less, and it’s enough.’
Journal prompts
You may find it helpful to reflect on:
- Where am I most likely to overfunction this week?
- What’s one small step I can take to do less and still feel okay?
- How do I feel when I allow myself to pause, say no, or delegate?
- What messages help me trust that I am enough?
Even small moments of noticing, pausing, and self-compassion can create ripple effects in your energy, productivity, and relationships. Over time, these choices help you reclaim a sense of calm, confidence, and self-trust and all of these things will help to build your sense of worthiness.
