When You Don’t Feel Good Enough

If I could identify one consistent theme that impacts almost every one of my clients, it’s the feeling that no matter how much they do or what they achieve, they’re somehow still not good enough.

Chances are this could be you too.

You might notice it in the way you’re always striving, fixing, helping, perfecting – yet never feeling at ease. Or you might find yourself holding back from opportunities, numbing out with food, social media or wine, or simply unable to start the things you care about. These experiences might look different on the outside, but they often stem from the same core belief: that your worth is conditional – something to be earned, rather than something that inherent in every one of us.

Over the coming months, I’ll be sharing a series of posts to help you understand these patterns more clearly, explore where they come from, and begin the work of healing and transforming the core beliefs so that you can move forward with a greater sense of self-belief.

If you’re tired of pushing yourself too hard, frustrated by your lack of progress, or ashamed of the ways you check out or hold back, this series is for you. You’re not alone and these responses are not personal flaws. They are intelligent adaptations that once kept you safe.

Three Hidden Patterns of Not Feeling Good Enough

There are three main ways our ‘not good enough’ beliefs show up. They align closely with the nervous system’s fight, flight, and freeze responses. You might notice one is more dominant in your own life but it’s likely that you might shift between them, depending on the situation.

1. Overfunctioning: The Fight Response

This is the most common pattern I see among high-achieving women. You’re constantly “on” – productive, capable, responsible. You solve problems, meet deadlines, anticipate needs, and take care of others. From the outside, you look strong, reliable and in control.

But inside, it might be a different story. You find it hard to rest. You might feel anxious, resentful or even burnt out or exhausted. You might worry that if you stop, everything will fall apart or that people will think you’re failing. You may believe you have to be useful, giving, or perfect in order to be loved or accepted.

The fight response is a way of defending against the painful fear that you are not enough as you are. It’s an attempt to prove your worth through achieving.

2. Avoidance and Numbing: The Flight Response

While overfunctioning is about running toward something (often perfection or approval), the flight response is about running away. Sometimes this looks like withdrawing from challenges or opportunities – convincing yourself you’re not ready, or that you don’t really want the goal you had set for yourself. But more often, it looks like fleeing into distraction or numbing yourself with scrolling, shopping, overworking, drinking, snacking, or endlessly planning instead of doing.

In this state, you might avoid your goals not because you don’t care, but because trying and failing feels risky. You may unconsciously fear rejection, disappointment or embarrassing yourself and the craving for comfort or escape becomes stronger than the desire to grow.

This pattern isn’t about a lack of motivation or willpower. It’s a way of soothing the part of you that believes you’re not enough to succeed, or not strong enough to cope if you fail.

3. Procrastination and Paralysis: The Freeze Response

Freeze is the state of stuckness. You want to move forward, but something stops you. You feel paralysed by doubt, overwhelmed by choice, or weighed down by the pressure to get it right. You might make endless lists, over-research, over-prepare and often end up doing nothing at all. This often comes with self-judgment: “What’s wrong with me?” “Why can’t I just get going?”

But freeze is not laziness. It’s the nervous system shutting down in the face of the perceived threat of not being good enough, not being ready, or fear of being judged. Underneath the paralysis is often a history of criticism, pressure, or fear of not meeting other people’s expectations of you.

Freeze protects you by keeping you from the risks of stepping forward. But in the long term, it reinforces the painful belief that you’re incapable or flawed.

Why This Matters

These three patterns – overfunctioning, fleeing, and freezing – don’t just impact your productivity. They shape your relationship with yourself, your sense of safety in the world, the possibilities you open up for yourself and your ability to embrace a life that includes lightness and joy. They affect how you show up in your work, in your relationships, and in the world.

Many of us move between these patterns. You might push yourself too hard for weeks, then collapse into a spiral of numbing or indecision. You might stay in avoidance for a time, then suddenly swing into a frantic effort to catch up or prove yourself.

The deeper truth is this: these behaviours are not the problem. They are symptoms of an inner belief that you are not enough.

When we begin to question that belief and start to unhook from it, something powerful starts to shift. You come back to your centre. You find the courage to act from a place of worthiness, not fear. You learn to slow down and rest without guilt. You allow yourself to make mistakes without feeling shame. You start to trust yourself and claim your sense of self-worth.

That’s what this series is about.